Everything To Guppy

Episode 604: Linger Bean

January 12th, 2021  |  11 mins 48 secs

"Then," Tiny Sexy Baby Daddy continued, still translating his massive employer's ominous gurgles, "There is only one more condition for us to fulfill."

Episode 603: The Everything To Guppy Holiday Spooktacular: The Boy (2016) Commentary

January 9th, 2021  |  1 hr 53 mins

This was supposed to come out on Tuesday! Blame Brahms/the complete breakdown of U.S. social order.

This is a full-length commentary for the 2016 "horror film" The Boy. As usual, the goal is for it to be an entertaining listen with or without the movie, but if you want to watch along, the film is currently available via U.S. Netflix.

Episode 602: The Left Hand (feat. TAFFY)

January 3rd, 2021  |  17 mins 1 sec

Stargash nodded his assent wearily, not trusting himself to speak; he had no objections to motherhood on principle, so much as he knew that chronomancers of all stripes were control freaks, and he wouldn't be the one picking the "least unpleasant" hole in question.

Episode 601: Dead Tooth

January 2nd, 2021  |  10 mins 43 secs

"A member of our order has been interested in exploring the pathetic perversions of forward causality once again, if only as a tourist; would you consent to birth him, Friend Stargash, through whichever orifice is least unpleasant?"

Episode 600: Dog Tooth

December 31st, 2020  |  10 mins 37 secs

Having overcome his brief but potentially profitable bout of mild concern, Tiny Sexy Baby Daddy once again began smoothly translating, in the tone of voice of a man who has heard of apples but never seen one himself.

Episode 599: Lead Pencil

December 29th, 2020  |  11 mins 35 secs

Grim formalities concluded, Triple-B began babbling at length, a low, guttural sound not unlike what might happen if a clogged and liquid-stuff garbage disposal also had solid gold gums.

Episode 598: Death

December 27th, 2020  |  10 mins 34 secs

This conversational Judo at present left him with no choice but to utter the binding counterphrase: "Then all the clocks must someday be stopped."

Episode 597: Apple!

December 26th, 2020  |  9 mins 35 secs

Stargash had once met a Murder Monk so pleasant he could literally kill with kindness, gifting others with smiles so wide they split their heads in bloody twain.

Episode 596: Dark Prince's Crown

December 24th, 2020  |  8 mins 23 secs

A masterful example of the use of Trust As Weapon, first pioneered by The Nice And Pleasant Murder Monks of Monk Murder 6.

Episode 595: Mega Blast

December 22nd, 2020  |  10 mins 5 secs

In so doing, he had forced Stargash into the role of conspirator-by-default; to allow him to leave without first securing full-throated support would be a Lives Sentence for all of them.

Episode 594: Eve's Bird Foot

December 20th, 2020  |  10 mins 57 secs

Stargash's heart figuratively froze, and for good reason: One of the most powerful crimebosses in the galaxy had just confessed to him his adherence to a creed of Complete Universal Shutdown, a philosophy that went beyond MegaNihilism and into omnicide of the highest order.

Episode 593: Kidney Stone

December 19th, 2020  |  10 mins 40 secs

"A broken clock is right twice a day," he intoned, with ritual cadences, "but a stopped clock can be right forever."

Episode 592: Mom's Box

December 17th, 2020  |  9 mins 35 secs

Finally, he gestured with one fat, stubby, powerful hand, and Tiny Sexy Baby Daddy—suddenly, visibly, nervous—bowed his head in supplication, then spoke in his thin, reedy, sexy voice.

Episode 591: Binky

December 15th, 2020  |  10 mins 4 secs

But instead of chortling the happy gurgle of a supposedly confused large time baby, Blinkums simply stared at the space-merc's cyberhusk, contemplating what seemed to be vast panoplies of infinities.

Episode 590: War

December 13th, 2020  |  16 mins 48 secs

As always, Stargash's approach was to ask for everything, in the hopes of securing something; he doubted that even Big Baby Blinkums would be willing to admit his affiliation with The Mechanists Of The Stopped Clock, the diligent, dutiful, and determined craftsmen of the Big Freeze itself.

Episode 589: D7

December 12th, 2020  |  9 mins 26 secs

Undeterred, Stargash pressed on, "I seek a chronomancer with nothing to lose, oh Big and Merciless Infant; I seek a Clockstopper whose clock has already stopped."