Everything To Guppy

Episode 612: Compound Fracture

January 26th, 2021  |  15 mins 31 secs

HELL COMES TO HARKNESS HOUSE
CHAPTER 3
MAKE WAY, SOLITARY CHUMPS, FOR THE FRIENDSHIP FORCE 5!

Episode 611: Shiny Rock

January 24th, 2021  |  15 mins 39 secs

Stargash glanced over the briefing, for the first time; he had no idea what "Earth" was like, but he hoped they served Megabeer there—because as soon as he was done giving birth to this time traveling psychopath, he was absolutely going to need six.

END OF CHAPTER 2

Episode 610: Varicose Veins

January 23rd, 2021  |  14 mins 34 secs

A gentle pinging on the interior of his cybereye informed him that High Fructose Corn Murder and Chud Honeysuckle were already making their way, independently, to the target planet, where the team would rendezvous, and prepare to either hasten or prevent its apoptotic metastasis out into the wider Gorelactic Rim.

Episode 609: Tarot Cloth

January 21st, 2021  |  16 mins 34 secs

The chronomancer gestating inside him would, presumably, choose to birth itself at exactly the wrong moment as the mission progressed.

Episode 608: Eye Of Greed

January 19th, 2021  |  16 mins 30 secs

Seven eventful chrono-hours later, Stargash was disconnected from his virtu-avatar, returned to his ship, and already 4 weeks pregrunt.

Episode 607: Conquest

January 17th, 2021  |  15 mins 16 secs

Stargash breathed a sigh of relief; as a space mercenary of the Gyg Economy, he was rarely more in his element than when he was shoveling shit.

Episode 606: Metal Plate

January 16th, 2021  |  11 mins 51 secs

"My diaper is reaching the edges of its containment," TSBD spake on behalf of Big Baby Bliinkums, "And you must be the change I need to see in the world."

Episode 605: Shard Of Glass

January 14th, 2021  |  13 mins 42 secs

Stargash's synthetic blood froze; he had been sure that agreeing to allow an omnicidal time criminal to gestate inside him would have been price enough.

Episode 604: Linger Bean

January 12th, 2021  |  11 mins 48 secs

"Then," Tiny Sexy Baby Daddy continued, still translating his massive employer's ominous gurgles, "There is only one more condition for us to fulfill."

Episode 603: The Everything To Guppy Holiday Spooktacular: The Boy (2016) Commentary

January 9th, 2021  |  1 hr 53 mins

This was supposed to come out on Tuesday! Blame Brahms/the complete breakdown of U.S. social order.

This is a full-length commentary for the 2016 "horror film" The Boy. As usual, the goal is for it to be an entertaining listen with or without the movie, but if you want to watch along, the film is currently available via U.S. Netflix.

Episode 602: The Left Hand (feat. TAFFY)

January 3rd, 2021  |  17 mins 1 sec

Stargash nodded his assent wearily, not trusting himself to speak; he had no objections to motherhood on principle, so much as he knew that chronomancers of all stripes were control freaks, and he wouldn't be the one picking the "least unpleasant" hole in question.

Episode 601: Dead Tooth

January 2nd, 2021  |  10 mins 43 secs

"A member of our order has been interested in exploring the pathetic perversions of forward causality once again, if only as a tourist; would you consent to birth him, Friend Stargash, through whichever orifice is least unpleasant?"

Episode 600: Dog Tooth

December 31st, 2020  |  10 mins 37 secs

Having overcome his brief but potentially profitable bout of mild concern, Tiny Sexy Baby Daddy once again began smoothly translating, in the tone of voice of a man who has heard of apples but never seen one himself.

Episode 599: Lead Pencil

December 29th, 2020  |  11 mins 35 secs

Grim formalities concluded, Triple-B began babbling at length, a low, guttural sound not unlike what might happen if a clogged and liquid-stuff garbage disposal also had solid gold gums.

Episode 598: Death

December 27th, 2020  |  10 mins 34 secs

This conversational Judo at present left him with no choice but to utter the binding counterphrase: "Then all the clocks must someday be stopped."

Episode 597: Apple!

December 26th, 2020  |  9 mins 35 secs

Stargash had once met a Murder Monk so pleasant he could literally kill with kindness, gifting others with smiles so wide they split their heads in bloody twain.